fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize