imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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