I'm eating all of the evidence.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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