Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
