i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
