The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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