She is in my trunk
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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