Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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