btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize