how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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