in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
