Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
