Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In other news, I just burned my penis
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize