My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
