Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
