Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize