I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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