What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
