She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
