I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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