Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
