I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If I die, sorry about rent.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
