I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
