he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
