guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
