Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
