so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The air taste purple.
Randomize