end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
