I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Four minutes until I can fart!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
