gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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