We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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