god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
