Christians are straight up FREAKS
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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