I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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