I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
