Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize