Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
