remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
