I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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