Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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