my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize