I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize