You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
