so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
