Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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