"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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