Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think your dad took our porno
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
