Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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