No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
