she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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