Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
