god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
