Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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