My first STD was from a foam party
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
