It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
