Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
