Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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