i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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