You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
