one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i drank out of a bidet.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
