You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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