Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
