well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
