he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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