Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
