I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
