i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
