he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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