he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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