this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
