last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
