So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize