A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What a dumb baby whore.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize